Story 1 :
A certain private school was faced with a unique problem, where a number of 12-year old girls were beginning to use lipstick.
They would apply it from the restroom, which was fine. But after that they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance janitor would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance janitor. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the janitor who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance janitor to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handed mop, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there were no lip prints on the mirror.
(There are teachers. And then there are educators!!)
Story 2 :
An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts, almonds to eat
Conductor : That's so kind of you that you give me those nuts to eat?
Why don't you eat them yourself?
Old lady : I don't have teeth to munch them.
Conductor : Then why did you buy them?
Old lady : I just love the chocolate around them.
Story 3 :
Dumbo is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 year war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Dumbo says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Dumbo asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Dumbo asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Dumbo asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary islands, in thePacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Dumbo gives up.
NOW SCROLL DOWN.......
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If You think you are indeed clever and laughed at Dumbo's replies, then
please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of
the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....!
Story 4 :
There was a king. He had 10 wild dogs...
He used them to torture and eat all the ministers who made mistakes.
Once, one of the ministers gave an opinion which was wrong, and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered for the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
So the minister said,
"I served you 10 years and you do this..?
Please give me 10 days before you throw me in with those dogs!"
So the king agreed…
In those 10 days the minister went to the guard that was guarding the dogs and told him he wants to serve the dogs for the next 10 days…
The guard was baffled…
But he agreed…
So the minister started feeding the dogs, cleaning them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort to them.
When the 10 days were up…
The king ordered that the minister be thrown in to the dogs as his punishment.
But when he was thrown in,
Everyone was amazed at what they saw..
They saw the dogs licking the feet of the minister!
So the king, baffled at what he saw, said:” what happened to my dogs. !!!”
The minister then said;”
I served the dogs for 10 days and they didn’t forget my service…
Yet I served you for 10 years and you forgot all on the first mistake!”…
So the king realised his mistake
and
Got wolves instead.
Story 5 :
The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
Story 6 :
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered," That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Goodbye, Mom' as i leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.", she said.
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $1211.85 ", said the clerk.
"How come so much?? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied," That's alright, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Story 7 :
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.
The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".
MORAL OF THE STORY: Men's brains work brilliant until they start thinking about a woman!!
Story 8:
4 friends meet 30 years after school....
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons have become.
No. 1 says his son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich he gave his best friend a Ferrari.
No. 2 said his son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said his son became an engineer, started his own development company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told him they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked him about his son. He said his son is gay and he works in a gay Bar.
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The other 3 said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful. " Oh no !! " said the father, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..." .
All the 3 fathers fainted ....
Story 9 :
G.V KRISHNAMOORTHY said one of the greatest lines once.
"Change can't be given to you every time, you must bring the change"
And who is G.V Krishnamoorthy,
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Bus conductor, read it again.
Story 10 :
The child and his mother:
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Story 11:
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.
The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually!
Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing.
By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
Story 12 :
Sweet Story......
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them..
Story 13 :
A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard.
“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”
“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Oh really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in and shaved his face smooth.
That night James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife was awakened somewhat, felt his face and replied, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”
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